It was so scary. I’m still scared. I wish a police would come hold me tight and keep me from shaking. Instead they come with the questions. But I don’t know. Will someone tell me what I’m supposed to know? If he was a hostile? All I know is there was this look in his eye and it scared me good. Like that awful dead-eyed look Tuco from Breaking Bad had. And that was before he took one in the head.
I was just so scared he might of had a gun. Best to be safe, right? You never know these days and you never could take anything for granted. It so happens Breaking Bad is what I was watching when all the sudden that young fellow was in my window. I couldn’t see anything but his teeth and the whites of his eyes and the flicker of the TV on his T-shirt. I thought for sure he was come to rape and kill me. Just like that. I was froze up on the sofa with the show still going and him hollering at me come to the door, come to the door! He was a young fellow. I couldn’t think. I had this feeling like so this is what it feels like to be hunted, to be drawing your last breath off in some corner, to be forsaken.
I count it a miracle I managed to call the polices. It’s not like I sat there and said now the time has come to call the polices. It happened more by instinct. Those three numbers were all I had in me against that horrible face and the yelling and what he had in store for me. I can’t bear to think of it. Because if I had been that forsaken animal off in its corner he would have done for me just as he pleased and for as long as he wanted. Animals don’t have polices. They get eaten alive. O dreadful!
But this is civilization. We have phones and polices and locks and the instinct to use it all to endure. We use it because we don’t want to be scared anymore. I thanked God that it worked and that the officers jerked out to the scene. There’s plenty of suspicious activities all the time in this part of town. They know it and I feel it.
Now folks are liable to have their opinions about the police shooting that young fellow dead, it can’t be denied. I just thank God I’m safe. I would of shot him dead myself given the chance, but I thank God I’m not allowed to have guns. It’s too much responsibility and you’re liable to get hurt. Better to let the perfessionals handle these things. If you stop to think about it it’s almost like the polices are a gun in the hands of the people, and it all just comes off perfectly when the fear is there to push the trigger, by instinct like.
The truth is I didn’t make out the shots real clear. I mean I heard them and all, but they were all jumbled in with the gunfire from the episode’s awesome conclusion. A hail of bullets, just the way I like it. What are the chances, right? Probably less than one in a dozen, like my dad used to say.
I do so wish a police would hold me instead of hammering on with the questions. Always with the questions. Did I know the fallen suspect? To which I say, does the deer know the panther? Did I know what the suspect wanted? I certainly had me an idea, but how are you supposed to know anything for sure? All I know is I sure as shinola didn’t buy his story about being in a crash and needing help. Not at the time and not now still. Of course now the polices say the part about being in a crash could of been true, was true I guess, but that still doesn’t mean he had anything to ask of me. It doesn’t add up. In case you didn’t notice I have it clearly posted on my lawn: no trespassers. On my porch post too. Besides, that young man did not look hurt. Fixing to dish out a world of hurt, more like. I don’t even incline to believe the accident was accidental, which how are you going to prove that? Would it be surprising to anyone if he stole the car and crashed it in our neighborhood just to create a smokescreen and see if he could take a defenseless homeowner unawares? I’ve seen it happen more than once in the movies. And if it happens in the movies it means people can think of it. And if people can think of it, it means they can do it, and if they can do it, at some point odds say they’ll try.
The polices want me to say something about how the altercation outside unfolded. I’ve told them I’ll say anything they want if it’ll help them, only I didn’t see it. Scout’s honor. What happened is they told me to sit tight on the phone, shelter in place, only I couldn’t bear to just sit there and wait with that animal banging on my door and yelling like I was the one at fault, so I bolted to the bathroom where I locked myself in and watched the last few minutes of the episode with the speakers on super duper loud. That’s one thing I’ll give my husband, God rest his soul, is he put some of his workers comp money to good use by rigging the house so we could get good TV in every room.
But like I was saying, I saw nothing and heard nothing, and that was the whole point. Why should I have stick around and expose my delicate mind to that kind of terror? So the polices want a statement about did the downed perp advance on them or not, and when I say I’ll say whatever you need me to they say they need nothing but the truth, but when I say I was holed up watching Breaking Bad they won’t believe me, and they’re all like that’s not good enough. So what’s it going to be? If I had it my way my statement would be thank God you shot that boy dead, thank God you protected me, thank God you took away the fear. I saw whatever you want me to’ve seen, but the easiest would be if I saw nothing because that’s just what I did see. Did he advance on the polices for them to have cause to shoot him down? I don’t know, but he advanced on me, so you do the math.
Now they’re saying that young fellow played safety for the University a couple years back. Championship team. Brighter you shine, harder you fall. But seriously, that’s just about the worst thing they could have told me. It means he could of been operating as part of a team, right? Who’s to say they won’t wait it out until the polices have gone home to come out the woodworks and finish the job? I don’t guess sheltering in place is going to get the job done for long once this business hits the news and the championship team jerks out to use me as its raping dummy, and I bet you don’t have it figured any different.
I’m telling the polices there may be a plan afoot which this dead perp was just the first wave and I want a guard detailed to my home, and I’m shaking and I’m scared, but they say I’ve been served and protected and it wouldn’t be fair to other folks out there in the grids if they lingered long, just a quick perfessional job, in and out, run and shoot. Like they were Warren friggin Moon. And I guess they have a point. I mean if the polices are like a gun going off when your fear red levels, it’s like, the moment’s over lady, the gunfire’s died down, everyone just go to bed. Why wouldn’t you expect them to go on? It’s only perfessional.
I admit there’s a chance the worst may be over, but it’s not like I have nothing more to fear. There might could be a conspiracy swirling up around me as we sit here conversating on these unfortunate events. A twister of retribution come off the plain to tear through the city. Who knows what the media’s takeaway from this will be? Or the public’s. Lord knows what they’re capable of. I pray to God to just let me move on from tonight and keep minding my own business. I’ve got affairs to tend to. Is it fair that they should scrutinize and suspect me for protecting my own home? What if they call me a racist? God only knows what army of miscreants would descend.
So I’m scared, I’m shaking. I pray to God, I pray the polices would stay, God please let them stay and be my gun, stay and make me safe, stay and let me watch my shows at ease, I want to see the rerun where Hank puts one between Tuco’s rat eyes, I just want to watch it in peace and I didn’t do nothing wrong.
But oh no, they’re just going to ask their questions and write down the answers all calm and collected and up and walk away, leaving you know who with the bag. Pleasure to serve you ma’am my rear end. Talk about a gun misfiring. Can you believe it? There they go. Like there wasn’t a distressed homeowner in present danger, just whatever makes them feel good. If this was a free country I’d be in witness protection. Instead I’m a sitting duck for whoever they send to finish the job. I don’t want to live like this. If the polices aren’t going to protect me I wish it never would of happened. I wish to God that boy had just been coming to ask for help and to use my phone to call the polices. I wish to God I’d of believed him. Of course they might still of shot him anyway. O God I’m shaking.